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My name is TenchiJK, I'm a asian/american guy who has alot of different shit to say about life. Nuff said lol

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Beauty discovered.

Dear Reader,
HAN. A word we use to describe a strong , unexplainable feeling. If I could list a few things that might come close to slightly touching its meaning , I would state: Pain, suffering, wanting, pride..
There are two characters in this world who share this word .
They are the Asian males, and the Black Females. Truly the most misunderstood out of all characters in our Story book, called Life. Perhaps, it is our fate, or some might say destiny to follow this difficult path. Not to fall, but to get up and grow stronger. Perhaps we are the ones to fight the greater fight, while others may rest. Perhaps we are the ones who become the beacon of hope when others lose the light. Whatever it may, we sincerely walk a difficult path.

My fellow sisters, I truly understand what you go through in your life. Many might take my word as it is, the truth. However, Some may take it with skepticism. The easiest way for you all to understand is to explain my life , perhaps you may be able to relate to me.

Growing up, i couldn't stand myself. I saw absolutely no beauty in me... While I dumbfoundly sat in school, My mind would wander , looking only at the eyes of other kids. "how big his/her eyes are" I would say. "So much color in their eyes...such a beautiful shape" .
Has anyone taught me what beauty was? Has anyone explained to me what a beautiful eye looks like? YES! they have! Countlessly in the school yard, kids my ages would point and laugh. With little girls in the background grinning,and shouting out hurtful names... all because i had Almond shaped eyes, that it was a tad big smaller then theirs. How I dreaded my Brown, simple eyes... I remember sitting in my closet. Crying to myself, why , oh why was I born the way I was? Why did no one find me beautiful? Even the teachers who would come to my rescue looked like the very people that cursed me.
I lost my self daily, walking around morbidly, feeling inferior without an reason or cause. Just pitiful, and ugly in my own filth i felt..
I'd come home , wanting to escape my awful reality, then I would turn on the Tv. Only to find idiotic Asian men about my age now, prancing and dancing... making awkward noises of birds, and eyes seemingly more slanted for the sake of humiliating Asians. Orientals they called them , "people who are not like the west". I lost hope ladies and gentleman.. at such a young age, I lost beauty.

However, time surely did pass. Not as gently as some may have, but time surely did pass. What I gained was my God in heaven, who showed me over time the beauty in his creations. Everything in which he personally created , had reason, and purpose. My purpose was through my experience , shed some light . That , there IS beauty in Gods creations. Whether it be , Asian males, or black females, we have so much beauty in us if only we'd stop fighting amongst each other and start to realize it. No more can we waste our breath cursing one another, no more can we shout at our sisters, and our brothers and say You are not beautiful.
No sisters, you are beautiful. Walk slower, stand up straight and wear your smile with elegance and beauty. Beauty is there and we will send this message to our children, and to our children's , children.

Stay strong, elegance, and beautiful

Yours truly,

TENCHIJK

14 comments:

  1. This hurt me to read about your childhood and how you felt, but I'm glad those beautiful almond shaped eyes were opened and you realized what you have to offer the world. :)

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  2. its a shame that u did not saw yourself as ugly... bt im glad that now u c that god has made u into his beautiful creation.... ur blog seems even more personal (at least to me) thn the utube vids.... bt i still luv the videos...
    I know that i have a problem in seeing the beauty that he has given me.... bt i guess its something tht i have to deal with....

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  3. i'm so happy you started loving yourself again. growing up was hard for me as well. i'm a black female btw. people never made fun of me for the way i looked but at the same time, no one was saying i was beautiful either. i never thought i was pretty until i was 20. i'm 21 now. but thats 20 years of believing i wasnt good enough and something was wrong with me. i remember wishing i looked differently too. but i stopped thinking that way when i looked inside myself and decided to no longer listen to what society says "beautiful" is. i can honestly say i am so much happier now. life is full of beauty and everyone is beautiful. thanks so much for this post. keep doing what your doing...and i love your youtube videos as well. you have an awesome sounding voice!

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  6. I went through a similar situation. I grew up being teased so much about my eyes, and my high cheek bones. I am mixed but I consider myself to be black (long story) although I am not Korean, Japanese etc I was often called every name from Chink to Blackanese. It got so bad that I even thought of getting eyelid surgery. Now, I am going on 20 and I am just now realizing my beauty. The slant of my eyes, the curve of my cheeks, and the added hint of honey color in my skin makes me...ME...makes me...BEAUTIFUL.
    ....A reply is welcome. lol

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  7. Wow man I am tearing up at work. I remember in the third grade that I liked a little boy because we both collected baseball cards and he would tell me about baseball and I learned from him as we traded cards. I didn't see him as a white boy I saw him as a boy who shared an interest with me and I thought that was cute. He told me one day I can't hang out with you because you're a black girl was like ... what ??? I didn't understand it because I never looked at myself like that, I was Melonie ..Melvin and Rosalee's daughter and I took pride in the fact that I looked like a mixture of my parents and I thought I was pretty darn cute..... so where did that come from?

    From then on I always questioned why was my skin so dark , because I started to notice how people would treat the lighter skinned black kids. when I asked my mom she turned beet red (she is very fair skinned) and she told me when she was in the store a white lady asked her if I was her maid's kid , needless to say she gave that woman a piece of her mind.

    Anywho, thanks for this article it took me back to a deep hurt but that's good cause you deal with it and you realize it's a strawman, fallacy, a lie. and people's perception of beauty should come from one source because HE created it right? I really wish we would all get that understanding.

    I must say Tenchi-shi that I definitely admire and appreciate you.

    God Bless man

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  8. Wow, we are glad you told your story and overcame it. We had similar experiences growing up. When we were in middle school people called us names like ugly and gay and it hurt. I think we heard it everyday. We would go home and cry too. And some of the teachers would see and wouldn't do nothing.
    The high school we went to was terrible. We were separated for the first time and we had some similar and different experiences, but we all had no friends; it was so lonely. It is so hard for us to make friends. We ended up switching schools which was better.
    Even in college now it is still hard to make friends. We go to college in a small town and it's so lonely. We get weird looks all the time. We want to make friends badly.
    But having God with us helped. We did not realize how much God was important to us till high school and college. There is other stuff we went through in life, but maybe we will talk about it later. I thank God that we had him and our Grandma. It seemed like when nobody believed us God and our grandma did.
    When we try to get close to people and tell them our story they stop talking to us. It's like we want to tell people our story, but they don't want to listen or believe it. We just want to get these feelings out, it hurts to keep them in.

    Anyways, Be Blessed and live life to the fullest and may God Bless you for the rest of your life. Always stay close to God because he will always be there for you.

    Triplets

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  9. Dude, I felt the same way. It was so bad I didn't even draw people of color. One day a friend said to me,"You're so good at art. Why don't you draw black people???"

    And I've been on a cosmic, wondrous transformation ever since.

    We are truly beautiful.

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  10. Tenchi, it really is hard to even know where to begin and how to say it but I will try my best. Your story is more than relatable in my eyes, I do follow you on youtube as well and your path of life has definitely not been the one of least strife or resistance. I actually just finished watching your mini story on youtube about your being in the air force and all series of unfortunate events that followed thereafter but Tenchi you are so inspirational believe me when I tell you because between this story and that story I can feel the "HAN" in you and it's truly beautiful. What a testimony you have and like I left as a comment on youtube I thank you for showing you care by sharing and thats the beauty of testimonies they minister to us as well as to others. I really would like to share my story with you as well but I don't want to flood your comment space neither do I want to share without your permission because quite frankly you may not be interested, lol, but if you are simply let me know ;). But I feel you my brother believe that..... I feel you and I'm right there with you, stay strong ok because you have what most don't.....God, and he's keeping you near and dear to him and always remember my dear "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." I had to share and bless you with that, it's always such a pleasant reminder for myself. Be Blessed my dear Be Blessed :)

    With Love,
    Zani

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  11. Your story so close to you. Little boy, little boy do you know what you do? I can feel you coming through. You make me write in rhymes whenever I look at you. Little boy, little boy, I don’t know what to do. I love your almond shape eyes and your bubble gum lips. Oh little boy, little boy what am I to do.

    This is what came to mind when I read your story. Why, I am rhyming in your present leaves me wondering too. I remember the first time I saw you and the words you said made me squeeze my eyes shut. Yes, the cursing made me shy. Your such a talented young man. Promise, you won’t let go. I want to see you shine. Oh, thank you for introducing me to Yiruma. Catch you on the web.

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  12. Please, the ‘little boy’ in the text is as no disrespect. Fighting!

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  13. Tenchi I can really relate to your story but you're so dumb because you're so beautiful. You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen and you're so real. You have this inner beauty that shows especially in how you apprecitate life and how you treat your fans.

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