Have you ever wondered what the hell you want to do with your life? I've been thinking about that for months and months now. I honestly don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Do I want to become a writer? Honestly!? that shit ain't fun to do when its work. Especially articles lol. Blogs are fun ,yes, but writing articles... whew~ don't have enough words mang I tell ya.
An actor... ?If only if it was that easy, then hell yes, that would be an awesome life style. Then again, I can sooo see it contradicting with my christiany life style.( minus the cussing lol.. and.. killing, and robbing people -_-'') I imagine myself, drinking, doing drugs and banging 2000 dollar hookers. Thats the reality of it. If I had money, I probably wouldn't be myself for very long.
Sure, I can tell myself, "hey dude, your different! your humble! you can go out and give the money to the poor!" who the hell am I kidding... Maybe for a few years, I'd go to a 3rd world country and give to the poor, and help out the innocent dying babies... but what happens when I start lagging on my bills? Shiet, back to reality kid... My life is so much more important then the dying Kids... I'm a selfish bastard 24/7. Outwardly, I'm a good kid, living a normal ass life. But,Just like the bible says , There is nothing more corrupted then the hearts of Human beings. Ain't that the damn truth.
Recently, I've been looking at my spiritual life. Its been a mess. Where is God in my life? I always put him 200th on my list of things to do. I know you guys do too...I wonder why is that? We always shout to him when we are down, and when we are sick. However, when things are nice and dandy, HA-CHA~ screw you God, your not in my life no more~ Thats ridiculous though...
Here is the thing I realized recently.-There was a time when I got drunk, Kevin Bacon drunk. My life seemed PERFECT... just happy, and enjoying life to the fullest.Thankful about the littlest things, like having toilet paper, and having those scrubby things in the shower. However, the very next day... my life seemed completely horrible! It might be the dreadful hangover, but that wasn't it. It was my perspective of the matter. The only difference from that night, and the morning was the drink in my system and out. The situation, and condition of my life has been identical. Yet, that morning seemed so much worse. It was the way I perceived things. Then I began to wonder... what is real and what is fake? I Got all matrix up in my head lol. The red pill or the blue pill Neo? shiettt I don't know duddde...
I digress... I decided to just keep a positive outlook on anything. If my life is the same as the night i drank, and the day i woke up, then that means... I have no reason to be sad, or be depressed on the day i woke up.I still got nice ass toilet paper with that bear on it, and I still got a nice purple scrubby thing to wash my ass with. I don't know if i'm making any sense right now, but As I was taking a walk (being that i'm pretty much paralyzed from sitting down for 3 days...) something hit me.
I started to feel SOOO damn depressed.Like the ring coming out of that scary ass well depressed. I was miserable, and I honestly wanted someone to mercy kill my ass. But, I felt this warm shoulder over mine. It wasn't another person, I want to believe it was the good God above who lent me a hand. He told me, " look dude, you were happy 3 days ago. Your life is prettty much the samme as three days ago... you were thankful for the things you had, and you were grateful to me. If you were complaining about the sickness, I understand son... but your not complaining about the pain, your complaining about the things you don't have. The things you wish you had. So why are you complaining now? Cheer up buddy, i'm still with you, now and then. Don't lose hope in me. "
When i heard that in my head, first i thought, I need to stop taking these damn pills. Secondly, I was able to be thankful again. I have so much in this life... No money though , thats a damn shame, but I have lovely fans who care for my health. I have friends who care enough to save my life. Life is A- okay folks. I wish you all would have the same epiphany i had. Sorry i couldn't explain it more throughly. I love you guys, and thank you so much for the support!
-TenchiJK-
Recently, I've been looking at my spiritual life. Its been a mess. Where is God in my life? I always put him 200th on my list of things to do. I know you guys do too...I wonder why is that? We always shout to him when we are down, and when we are sick. However, when things are nice and dandy, HA-CHA~ screw you God, your not in my life no more~ Thats ridiculous though...
Here is the thing I realized recently.-There was a time when I got drunk, Kevin Bacon drunk. My life seemed PERFECT... just happy, and enjoying life to the fullest.Thankful about the littlest things, like having toilet paper, and having those scrubby things in the shower. However, the very next day... my life seemed completely horrible! It might be the dreadful hangover, but that wasn't it. It was my perspective of the matter. The only difference from that night, and the morning was the drink in my system and out. The situation, and condition of my life has been identical. Yet, that morning seemed so much worse. It was the way I perceived things. Then I began to wonder... what is real and what is fake? I Got all matrix up in my head lol. The red pill or the blue pill Neo? shiettt I don't know duddde...
I digress... I decided to just keep a positive outlook on anything. If my life is the same as the night i drank, and the day i woke up, then that means... I have no reason to be sad, or be depressed on the day i woke up.I still got nice ass toilet paper with that bear on it, and I still got a nice purple scrubby thing to wash my ass with. I don't know if i'm making any sense right now, but As I was taking a walk (being that i'm pretty much paralyzed from sitting down for 3 days...) something hit me.
I started to feel SOOO damn depressed.Like the ring coming out of that scary ass well depressed. I was miserable, and I honestly wanted someone to mercy kill my ass. But, I felt this warm shoulder over mine. It wasn't another person, I want to believe it was the good God above who lent me a hand. He told me, " look dude, you were happy 3 days ago. Your life is prettty much the samme as three days ago... you were thankful for the things you had, and you were grateful to me. If you were complaining about the sickness, I understand son... but your not complaining about the pain, your complaining about the things you don't have. The things you wish you had. So why are you complaining now? Cheer up buddy, i'm still with you, now and then. Don't lose hope in me. "
When i heard that in my head, first i thought, I need to stop taking these damn pills. Secondly, I was able to be thankful again. I have so much in this life... No money though , thats a damn shame, but I have lovely fans who care for my health. I have friends who care enough to save my life. Life is A- okay folks. I wish you all would have the same epiphany i had. Sorry i couldn't explain it more throughly. I love you guys, and thank you so much for the support!
-TenchiJK-
Posts
*epik loves your post ^^
ReplyDeleteI tend to fill this way alot as if all is lost and i can't find my way in life. I have no idea what i want to do with my life and im 22. I just live on studying and learning things trying to be a better person than i am, still drinking in the process. Recently life showed me you have to do whats fun before its goes away. Happiness can be fleeting and make you think about all these things. I dunno how to fix them because i feel the same but, i can say eventually life sorts itself out and you will find you way. :] I can use a drink now.
ReplyDeleteDude you're awesome you have purpose .
ReplyDeleteFor I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Dude when I feel like this I go back to my source , the source from which my life and very breath was given and comes from. He made us and we are (YOU ARE) fearfully and wonderfully made.
HE knows what you are here for , and you know what I am sure your blogs and your Youtube have saved alot of young womens lives. Because sometimes what black women want is understanding , a shoulder , and a kind word. I am thankful for ya bro and may GOD bless you. And the wisdom and knowledge of JESUS be with ya man.
Take care bro,
First I must say amen to Queen Mother's comment! definitively!LOL
ReplyDeleteI am kind of lost also, im 20 not going to school , I dont really know what I want to do with my life, and I feel like money is running away from me, it's playing hide and seek and I jsut cant find it lol. Recently i've adopted a very positive way of thinking but I still go through ups and down. Hopefully I have God in my life, he always picks me up :)
You know, you're stiil young and you have a lot of time ahead. Think about it and make wise choices, but dont rush anything, and dont try to make yourself believe things (like I often see, people sayin that they want to be acountant for exemple but truth is they hate maths, they're just trying to find something before they turn 30 lol) Trust God and in time you will find, thats what I believe. Try different things and most importantly enjoy the present! Enjoy what you have right now! :)
Oh and I am a selfish and very sinful, in other words... I'm human. The thing is trying to improve, its hard, but its worth it! ''For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up''
dude ... im glad your feeling better and everything is fine ... and i fully understand your point. Jus continue standing strong you'll overcome anything that comes your way :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling good enough to get out the house and walk.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate with you it's all too easy to complain with what's wrong with our lives. But we always have the choice to look around and be grateful for what we do have.
Like today I was complaining that I had to go to the store. Complaining about theres too many people in here. Get into the parking lot then start complaining about the weather and the fact that it's was about to rain. Then I said wait a minute I'm just making myself miserable.So I looked up to the clouds they were kinda gray but still beautiful. I felt the warm misty air. All of a sudden I felt so good and serene.
All I had to do was just look around and know that God is always there ready to embrace us, he just wants us to choose him more often.
I suggest you listen to some Stevie Wonder. When I listen to his music it really lifts up my spirits.
I totally understand where you are coming from. You have a purpose in life and you will find it~ :D
ReplyDeleteYour post inspired me to write my own lol I hope that you will always have God and happiness in your life. If you ever have nothing to do would you mind checking out my post? Just click this link link link link.
ReplyDeleteI hope that things start or continue to go well for you. Feel better!
The Lord wants you, but first you have to give yourself completely to Him in order to fulfil His purpose. You can't live in the world and in Christ at the same time. It's not possible. I'm speaking from experience, here. Go to your Bible and ask the Lord what he wants you to do. I know it sounds a little crazy at first, but it works. I'm still praying for you! (^_^)v
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou knw you wut imma nt gn be scared i jus come out and say it! I think your full of shit! Nw I knw im only seventeen and some times i cn do some so shallow stuff but rlly goin out with a black girl so you can "walk the walk" OMG it doesnt get any better than that does it. Jus do me a favor if she really as pretty as you say dont waste her time if you dnt really care for her and cant do better than walking the walk by going with her! Bc Im pretty sure if she as wonderful as you make her sound she deserves better than that!
ReplyDeleteexcuse me? What you commented here is irrelevant to anything I wrote here. Its easy to judge someone if you are ignorant to what is really the truth. You judged me according to the little that you know. I can probably call out your bs in your daily life. I'm not a perfect human being, neither are you. I do admit I made a mistake, but there really was an explanation behind it , and I don't feel the need to explain that to you shajenste. After all , it IS my life... I did share my life to a certain point, but its people like yourself that make it extremely hard to share a piece of my life.
ReplyDeleteIf there is one thing I've learned over the years is that there are indeed people in the world who are placed here to show you how blessed you are. I'm amazed everyday and the things people say and I'm like "why are you so bitter? For what?" and you realize, wow, I've got it good.. I'm blessed to know that I don't have to be that way because of God's grace and His Love for us. So Tenchi, let people say what they want to say! That's just how the world works.. And it's unfortunate.. But u can choose to be above it and move on with life.. Remember there will always be haters! Knowing that will cause you to be at peace.. Cause it's no surprise!! Just be you.....
ReplyDelete....Whatever that is!!!! Are u in school? School can open a lot of opportunities. Even things u love to do require hard work but at the end of the day, you enjoy! Like I love being a nurse but it's hard work!!! Whatever passion u have will manifestsl itself! Seek God and He will give you the desires of your heart!
Life is like a deck of cards no hand the same but one of the same. You have to look at what brought YOU to where we are now. I myself being much older than you can honestly say, it’s what surround us that cause us to either fall or stand strong and fight for what is our destiny. We all have choices, we all pull a card from the deck when shuffled. The question is, how bad do you want it? How good would it feel when you accomplished it? I’ll say it again you’re a talented young man with so much to offer this world. You to me open my poetic mind to flow rhymes so amazing. Think at this quiet time as a time for you to learn. The near death experience is God getting your attention. His bitch slap to reality. So all the pain you have gone through believe me what sits on the other side once you put him first, is love so divine, love so giving.
ReplyDeleteYou are my poetic inspiration from the day I read your blog. Things you have me rhyming at times, I cannot post for you are my poetic ecstasy. I am thankful you are a chapter in my life’s book. FIGHTING!!!