So, I've been getting in touch with my old friends again. Its been so long :/ . I realized there are many people out there who do indeed miss me, and have been wondering where I have been. For the longest time I felt as though I never mattered to people... like I was some sort of bloop on a radar screen. I was surprisingly touched at their remembrance of me.
I'm closing in on about 1 month and 10 days of sobriety. Yes the temptation is there... always barking at me. I'm in at a film school, and everyone smokes. The sad part is, you can't socialize without smoking... weed that is. However, I feel like my life is more important then just socializing. The way I see it... I've done plenty of it ... and honestly, you don't get much out of it. It is great 'during'... but after you feel like shit. You feel worthless... and friends never have much substance.
All they ever talk about is drugs, and when it was the best for them... they stay the same, and never progress in life. Don't get me wrong, I was once like that as well... and to be truthful, it was a chillaxing time. Everything was so carefree... But I feel older now, and that I need to take control over my life. Good no? ahha yes yes good good :) .
nowadays, I've been up and down. Some days I'm on clouds, appreciating my new cleaner, healthier life. Other times I am a grouch, and hate everything about my life. I feel irritated and frustrated and feel the strong urge to pick up the bong again haha... but I've been through a lot, and I don't need more of it. I think I'm ready to move on with my life. See what life has to offer me.
While I was here in school, I realized film is not what I want to do with my life. I learned a lot of it , and if I needed to , i can make a nice film... and I probably will in my spare time. But as a career? hell no. I'm switching to Graphic design in the same school~ I'm so happy with this choice... I'm sure it will have challenges as well... but I always wanted to do graphic design. I pray it all goes well :).
I've been on a journey to find myself... who I am really. This journey has taught me a lot, and it changed me as a person. But I am very happy. That's worth it :)
-tenchiJk-
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You still trying to find yourself. Then you are not going to stay in that class. You still trying to find yourself. people like that are very good in a lot of things and do not to pick one or the other.But it all sound good.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up, Tenchi! I will be praying that He will keep you strong and guide you to find your way. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Tenchijk so you changed your path. That happens often in college especially when your our age (early 20). At times I feel like dang I'm getting old I should know how I to do things then on the other hand I feel like I got my whole life ahead of me. It's natural adults in my camp say and often get mad when I express how I thought life would be different and more progressive right now. Its a mixture of my own pressure and the pressure of this microwave society we live in always wanting thing in an instant. But it's beneficial to be paitent and test the waters and this what this transition in life is all about
ReplyDeleteI met up with childhood friends recently. It's crazy how you feel like no one outside your fam bothers to think about you... Just a speck of dust in this big dust bunny we call the world. Man are you surprised when people generally miss you.
ReplyDeleteThen something major happens and a friend you recently reconnected with is called back home and man does that really put life in true prospective. You think about how fragile life is and how tomorrow is never promise. You think about how stupid you were to feel insecure about how pass friends might view and treat you cause you allowed haters and the media tell you your not worthy of even simple good company. It's all hog wash if they are truly your friend. I learn that the hard way and too late. But now I'm gonna live my life to the fullest and take educated risk because I've color in the lines for far too long. Take these comments as you will. Thanks for reading.
You know, I've changed studying paths four times and I'm not regretting it. I finally got a master's degree in Creative Writing. I still plan on studying again and will probably major in something else then too.
ReplyDeleteBeing as creative as you are, I think you may change careers a number of times too, and that's okay. Enjoy the variety life has to offer!
I know it's not the nicest thing to say to some one , but damn feels good knowing I ain't the only one suffering out here trying to decide where I wana be in life, it's like damn man where is this path headed, I sure as hell don't know , just on a wagon going somewhere, that's how i feel sometimes I guess. (: But aye trust in god and erthangs finna be 100 (:
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