Dear Readers,
Still here? I'm glad :) . I was having an conversation with some former military buddies, and the "don't ask don't tell " issue came up. For those who are unfamiliar with it- it is a law that states gays are not allowed in the military. If you happened to be gay, you need to keep it a secret, or else the law will take into effect.
I remember making a video a while back about this. However, I feel I need to clarify things with words. If someone asked me if I was against gays, I would say no, but I have my reasons why.
Many Christians would point that it is a sin. How dreadful is the bickering of sin, sin , and more sin. Sin is an disconnection from God... not necessarily an action. For example, Adam and eve. Most people think eating the apple it self is sin, but if you read the book of genesis more thoroughly, you would catch onto some things.
Eve, gazed upon the tree and thought it looked Good to eat. Sure, that sound harmless in itself... but you have to realize something. God told Eve , and of course Adam, that if you eat of the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil, ye shall surely die. He didn't say, you will maybe die, or kinda die... you will surely die. Now, IF, Eve really had a connection with God, or had TRUST in God. And if she then looked unto the fruit, it would look like a DEATH fruit.
Lets say, I'm a father . I have a son. Tenchi Jr. I tell him, son don't ever eat this apple . It's filled with rat poison, and it will kill you! If My sons trusted me, would that apple even look good to eat? Knowing that fruit will kill him? or has rat poison in it? No right?
A better example... Lets say I have an ice-cream... And my daughter wants to eat it so badly. But I tell her, a giant bird took a big doo doo on it. If she trusted my words, would she look at this ice cream and think... MMMM~~ No, she would be like YUCK!
However, if my daughter didn't trust me... she thinks i'm stupid, or thinks i'm not serious, or just plain old lame papa... she would think what? There is no doo doo in that ice cream.. pfft, what does he know... it looks good to me . "it looks good to me~"
Thats what essentially happened between Adam,eve and God. Disconnection. Thus led to the Action of the sin, but sin enter before all that... sin entered the moment there was doubt in Eves heart.
Now, with a more clear understanding of Sin. Who is right in front of our God? The gay man? the straight man? We've all been disconnected by God through those two individuals... Only through Christ are we connected again. So once again, we as human beings have no right to judge . We were all shapened in sin, and saved all together into righteousness through the mercy, and grace of God.
The reason why people can judge another, is because they never truly took a look at themselves. When I looked deep inside my heart, I had no room to judge . I was so Flawed , and wicked, and evil in so many ways... without Jesus in my heart, it would just be a desolate wasteland...
And because I saw myself... how can I dare judge another? How can I say stop living the way you do! When I my self can't change the way I am.
But, something that needs to be mentioned is this. Whether you are gay or straight God does not care. He TRULY does not care about your sexual orientation. We are ALL FLAWED. EVERYONE of us. However, we all need to have faith in our lord Christ.. who washed away our sins completely. I have no idea if your life style would change in Christ.. whether you turn straight or not... Honestly, some say they can change in Christ... some stay the same, but they still have faith in Christ.
I know some born again gay people, and they are very bold in their faith. Which is awesome. They say, I know being gay is a sin. but, Jesus washed those away too. I have no reason to feel condemned, because Jesus had mercy on me. Some Christians might take that and say, WHAT? But, that is faith beyond faith. To throw away your guilt, because of the faith in Christ is an amazing faith. He refused to see himself as he sees himself, but saw himself through Christ.
overall, the convo I had with those military friends didn't end well... but I'm really Glad, God has allowed my heart be free from judging them. Because, we have ALL fallen short of the Glory of God, and we ALL have been made Holy/righteous through the Faith in Christ. Whatever your orientation. That - is the mercy that our Lord gives unto us. if you have time to protest, GO WITNESS THE GOSPEL INSTEAD.
-TenchiJk-
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Daily Bread 1
Dear Readers,
Today I want to talk to you guys about Cain and Abel. In Genesis, we know these two characters very well. The "good" son, and the "bad" son we were taught. But , I want you to take it a step further and think about it for a second. Of course, your buddy Tenchijk will be right there helping you get the bigger picture :).
First of all, There is a scene in the bible were God rejects Cain, and accepts Abel. Have you ever wondered why? Was Abel any better then Cain? Was Abel such an outstanding guy? By all means, thats all speculation... we just assumed that is the case , because thats how we set our standards of what Good and bad is.
The kingdom of Heaven is through Jesus, and him alone. Not by your actions, or your deeds. How much Good deeds can you accomplish in your life time? Consider this... Imagine there is a bucket . A giant bucket. And to pass regulation, this bucket needs to have 3 million gallons of water in it. So imagine how BIG this bucket is.
Some people are so arrogant that they feel they can fill this bucket on their own. They see only a "portion" of this bucket, that they are oblivious to the fact that it's impossible to fill it all. To make it worse, imagine there is a HOLE in the bucket, size of a basketball. You fill maybe 100 gallons a day...some better people fill 200 gallons, but if it leaks out 500 gallons... Your in the same boat. EVEN if you were to fill 1000, 10,000 ... you would be able to fill it. That is what SIN is like . Some are better then others so they sin less, but they still have an empty Bucket.. Just a little bit more filled then the next. However, if the bucket isn't to the brim continuously , you do not pass. However, people use this against another... "My bucket is filled 3%... ur only at 1 %... "
" My bucket is at 40% !! " " look at your patethic bucket, I see the metal in yours"
But does 40% pass the regulation? Nope. 100% needed ... insufficient. How much do you think he would complain? WHAT!! I DID MY BEST! I TRIED MY BEST! I GAVE IT MY ALL!! HOW COULD YOU! <----- sound familiar? Thats Cain right there.
Now imagine , you got some help.. Help from someone really powerful... that says, "I can fill this bucket not with just 3 million gallons, but I have an everlasting waterfall... That pours 50 trillion gallons a second . That never dries forever. You get where I'm going with this... lol
The bucket obviously symbolizes Us and Sin. And how we will never be able to accomplish what the law set us out to do. Some will be better at it then others, but all in all, you cannot fill the bucket to the brim. However, Their are some who are humble enough to see that they are unable to fill this bucket. They have lost all trust in themselves, and they are in need to trust in something more powerful. They saw themselves for what they are... Screwed . So when they hear of the GOOD news. Of a Man who gives out FREE WATER! FREE LIFE! FREE HELP!
Today I want to talk to you guys about Cain and Abel. In Genesis, we know these two characters very well. The "good" son, and the "bad" son we were taught. But , I want you to take it a step further and think about it for a second. Of course, your buddy Tenchijk will be right there helping you get the bigger picture :).
First of all, There is a scene in the bible were God rejects Cain, and accepts Abel. Have you ever wondered why? Was Abel any better then Cain? Was Abel such an outstanding guy? By all means, thats all speculation... we just assumed that is the case , because thats how we set our standards of what Good and bad is.
Cain and Abel is a reflection of our lives in a way. Often then not, we are like Cain. Just like him we toil day and night . We sweat from our brows , and we give it our best. We take what we have done, and we set it before God's feet, and say " accept this Lord, this is MY hard work" . But, what do we always get in return? A cold shoulder perhaps? A prayer not answered... Most likely rejection.
Is it because our God is unfair? Is it because he is a Jerk that just wants to ruin our life? No way ! It is us who don't understand .
Abel Offered God something small, but it was the "right" offering. Abel didn't do much in his part, but the sacrifice itself did ALL the work, and in return Abel took all the glory. Cain on the other hand, worked Night and day. FARMING, is no joke people!
A lot of people think God rejected Cain because he only gave a part of his earnings, or he didn't work hard enough. That's BALONEY sandwich! Think about what goes into Farming. You toil the ground, taking out all the rocks and stones. You then pull the weeds out... then you do that thing-a where ya make that line in the ground.. >..> what was that called ?T_T... then you put the seed... give it water ... wait till it grows... days and days, months even. When it finally Grows, You then pick your crops... THEN YOU OFFER it to God. WHEW!
While Abel did what? Stand around... walked around. Maybe Played the harp next to the sheep... When the sheep was eating , he'd maybe lay about in the sun and sleep. Then when the mama sheep laid a baby.. he Snatched the poor thing and gave it to God. But yet God was Pleased with Abel.
WHAT!? So unfair ! Or is it? Abel, Had a relationship with God. How else did Abel know what to give to God. He knew the only sacrifice God would take was the sacrificial Lamb. Would Abel just one day wake up and say.. hey you know what would be AWESOME!? Lol
It shows Abel asked his parents for Guidance, Parents ,who HAD relationship with God. Abel ASKED, " father... I do not know God... I want to please him, what will he accept?" The father would simply rely " God, accepts the lamb :), because the lamb is the only thing(at the time) that can take away sins " On the Other hand.. Cain, what was he doing? He didn't care for God much did he.He only cared outwardly, but not in his heart.
He cared Only in his OWN actions. His OWN works. He trusted in HIM self. He thought if he Does his best, God will accept him . This is the same thought most people have in this world. They think, " ahh, the amount of work I do for God, Man... he is a G, he will accept me! DO you know how much offering I pay!!? Dude I'm set for heaven . etc etc " All in their own head. They don't bother finding out what exactly God wants.
Anyway, when it came time to give offering. Who did God accept? Abel right? Not because Abel was a better person.
Is it because our God is unfair? Is it because he is a Jerk that just wants to ruin our life? No way ! It is us who don't understand .
Abel Offered God something small, but it was the "right" offering. Abel didn't do much in his part, but the sacrifice itself did ALL the work, and in return Abel took all the glory. Cain on the other hand, worked Night and day. FARMING, is no joke people!
A lot of people think God rejected Cain because he only gave a part of his earnings, or he didn't work hard enough. That's BALONEY sandwich! Think about what goes into Farming. You toil the ground, taking out all the rocks and stones. You then pull the weeds out... then you do that thing-a where ya make that line in the ground.. >..> what was that called ?T_T... then you put the seed... give it water ... wait till it grows... days and days, months even. When it finally Grows, You then pick your crops... THEN YOU OFFER it to God. WHEW!
While Abel did what? Stand around... walked around. Maybe Played the harp next to the sheep... When the sheep was eating , he'd maybe lay about in the sun and sleep. Then when the mama sheep laid a baby.. he Snatched the poor thing and gave it to God. But yet God was Pleased with Abel.
WHAT!? So unfair ! Or is it? Abel, Had a relationship with God. How else did Abel know what to give to God. He knew the only sacrifice God would take was the sacrificial Lamb. Would Abel just one day wake up and say.. hey you know what would be AWESOME!? Lol
It shows Abel asked his parents for Guidance, Parents ,who HAD relationship with God. Abel ASKED, " father... I do not know God... I want to please him, what will he accept?" The father would simply rely " God, accepts the lamb :), because the lamb is the only thing(at the time) that can take away sins " On the Other hand.. Cain, what was he doing? He didn't care for God much did he.He only cared outwardly, but not in his heart.
He cared Only in his OWN actions. His OWN works. He trusted in HIM self. He thought if he Does his best, God will accept him . This is the same thought most people have in this world. They think, " ahh, the amount of work I do for God, Man... he is a G, he will accept me! DO you know how much offering I pay!!? Dude I'm set for heaven . etc etc " All in their own head. They don't bother finding out what exactly God wants.
Anyway, when it came time to give offering. Who did God accept? Abel right? Not because Abel was a better person.
If it came down to humanly goodness, Cain is far superior is he not? He is stronger, more built from working the farm, pulls his own weight around the house, he does more work and he is probably more respected for the things he does around the village. While , Abel is the loser, who is weak and etc etc .
But The only thing mattered was what? The condition of these two people? no way. It was only the sacrifice that really mattered . God would have rejected Abel if he gave what Cain offered, and vise versa. Same in our lives, Would God accept the Things of this world? or Just The Lamb? (Jesus)
Cain and Abel, shows us our heart in its very nature. Most of us want to go to heaven with the deeds they have, or will accomplish in their life. However, that will lead only to failure. Why would Cain kill Abel ?
Cainn Killed Abel, because he was SOOOOOOOO upset. So upset, because he GAVE IT HIS ALL! He serrriously gave God his ALL. FULL heartedly . Sincerely. Truthfully. He naturally thought in his head, the amount of Heart he put into this ,God will SURELY accept. But he rejected him as quickly as he accepted Abel's simple offering. All because Cain didn't ASK, or even BOTHER to Find out what God wants. If He knew, he wouldn't have gave the wrong offering , and wouldn't have killed his brother out of bitterness.
Like wise-
God will not accept Human deeds, God will not accept Human goodness. ONLY Jesus. The Goodness we do must come from Jesus to be accepted and then Valid. However, without the "lamb" we are just Abel without an offering. Abel by himself is nothing. He does nothing. Is Worth nothing. However, Abel with the offering , he is everything .
But The only thing mattered was what? The condition of these two people? no way. It was only the sacrifice that really mattered . God would have rejected Abel if he gave what Cain offered, and vise versa. Same in our lives, Would God accept the Things of this world? or Just The Lamb? (Jesus)
Cain and Abel, shows us our heart in its very nature. Most of us want to go to heaven with the deeds they have, or will accomplish in their life. However, that will lead only to failure. Why would Cain kill Abel ?
Cainn Killed Abel, because he was SOOOOOOOO upset. So upset, because he GAVE IT HIS ALL! He serrriously gave God his ALL. FULL heartedly . Sincerely. Truthfully. He naturally thought in his head, the amount of Heart he put into this ,God will SURELY accept. But he rejected him as quickly as he accepted Abel's simple offering. All because Cain didn't ASK, or even BOTHER to Find out what God wants. If He knew, he wouldn't have gave the wrong offering , and wouldn't have killed his brother out of bitterness.
Like wise-
God will not accept Human deeds, God will not accept Human goodness. ONLY Jesus. The Goodness we do must come from Jesus to be accepted and then Valid. However, without the "lamb" we are just Abel without an offering. Abel by himself is nothing. He does nothing. Is Worth nothing. However, Abel with the offering , he is everything .
The kingdom of Heaven is through Jesus, and him alone. Not by your actions, or your deeds. How much Good deeds can you accomplish in your life time? Consider this... Imagine there is a bucket . A giant bucket. And to pass regulation, this bucket needs to have 3 million gallons of water in it. So imagine how BIG this bucket is.
Some people are so arrogant that they feel they can fill this bucket on their own. They see only a "portion" of this bucket, that they are oblivious to the fact that it's impossible to fill it all. To make it worse, imagine there is a HOLE in the bucket, size of a basketball. You fill maybe 100 gallons a day...some better people fill 200 gallons, but if it leaks out 500 gallons... Your in the same boat. EVEN if you were to fill 1000, 10,000 ... you would be able to fill it. That is what SIN is like . Some are better then others so they sin less, but they still have an empty Bucket.. Just a little bit more filled then the next. However, if the bucket isn't to the brim continuously , you do not pass. However, people use this against another... "My bucket is filled 3%... ur only at 1 %... "
" My bucket is at 40% !! " " look at your patethic bucket, I see the metal in yours"
But does 40% pass the regulation? Nope. 100% needed ... insufficient. How much do you think he would complain? WHAT!! I DID MY BEST! I TRIED MY BEST! I GAVE IT MY ALL!! HOW COULD YOU! <----- sound familiar? Thats Cain right there.
Now imagine , you got some help.. Help from someone really powerful... that says, "I can fill this bucket not with just 3 million gallons, but I have an everlasting waterfall... That pours 50 trillion gallons a second . That never dries forever. You get where I'm going with this... lol
The bucket obviously symbolizes Us and Sin. And how we will never be able to accomplish what the law set us out to do. Some will be better at it then others, but all in all, you cannot fill the bucket to the brim. However, Their are some who are humble enough to see that they are unable to fill this bucket. They have lost all trust in themselves, and they are in need to trust in something more powerful. They saw themselves for what they are... Screwed . So when they hear of the GOOD news. Of a Man who gives out FREE WATER! FREE LIFE! FREE HELP!
YOU TAKE IT MAN! You don't look back, or wonder why, or should I? No, you gain faith.. and you take his salvation. AND PUT your trust in HIM.
I hope this has helped you think further into salvation. Stay with God y'all.
I hope this has helped you think further into salvation. Stay with God y'all.
-TenchiJk-
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Ambw drama
Dear Reader,
So much freakin drama over this crap... So exhausting eh?well for me anyway .
You know , i'ma speak my mind honestly here. If you get offended so be it. I feel Black woman got it really bad... not because of the media, but because of certain diseased black women. I might be too bold to say this of course, but over the time As I observed black women... I saw many who tried to get back up, and move as a whole unit. I saw many who were hurt because of the media, and in their negative experiences. However, Many, probably 80% of them stood their ground and they praised God that they were still Blessed. They had hope things will be better, and things will definitely change one day. AND IT WILL.
But! There is SOOOO many within the Bw community that just KILLSSSSS it for the rest of them. It's like they are playing tug of war... and all the beautiful, strong and willing black women are pulling there hardest. They have there feet in the ground, hands blistering ,and sweating. And these negative ass black women just standing there, complaining at the black women saying why you even trying? we ain't even gonna win, why try? Your nothing to them and you know it! You think they will give u the time of day?! Just bickkkering motherfuckers!
It breaks my heart to see these good black women who just ignore the haters, and they look towards the sky, sighing , wishing they would get support. But there are haters on the opposing side who is talking shit also . So in a sense, there hearing shit from BOTH sides. From black women and the enemy (who ever it may be) .
And as I see this happening, I get sooooo fuckin fustratedd! Thats why I spend hours and hours a day replying to all these negative ass black women. They say the WOOOOORSSTTTT shit. AND I told you guys before that shit was happening... But you know what y'all told me then? NO~ they are just white guys pretending to be Bw, or they are angry bm etc etc.. NO THEY WEREN'T. I knew from the start they were angry bw, but I kept it to myself.. and defended you guys till my fuckin fingers bled.
I had so much arguments with my ex gf because I would spend all my time on youtube replying to negative people. Here is the thing ladies and gentleman.. IF they were saying SHIT TO ME? I would pass it by like it ain't no thang. But, they are talking SHIT about MY Fans and subscribers. Saying shit about the good black women in my site. And you know how fuckin frustrating that is?!!!! Take Rahni Oates for a second, shes the greatest Black women I've ever met in my life. Shes a bit older then most, but she has so much class and poise and she just blows my mind away with her aura. But! these negative ass Mofos talking SHIT about her, Not only her but PLENNNTY of others who are just so positive , and energetic.
There are many times where I would try to ignore it, but it would EAT AT ME. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT HER, OR HER?! WHAT ABOUT YOU!? WTF DID YOU EVER DO FOR THE COMMUNITY!? And just one after another... and I would just lose my damn mind!
Anyway.
I talk to many of my fans on facebook, and I talk to them daily. Many are hurt not from other men, but from OTHER black women, or black men. It's so cruel to see ! It's like these wonderful bw are building a beautiful tower made of gold for the world to see, but these damn trolls , negative ass bitches , just tear it down. I think it's because they know they've done NOTHING for the community, and they KNOW they won't GET SHIT in return. And they don't DESERVE shit. and thats a FACT.
I know most of my black female fans KNOW how much I care for all of you. I've shown it many times not through youtube, but through my actions via facebook, blogtv , blogs etc etc. I often try to show and tell you guys how I really feel. But damnit, my life hasn't been so damn good lately!
I've been going through a lot of hard times! Thus looking towards God more... but people are so selfish to tend to there own needs, and they turn a blind eye to my problems. Like I'm not even human so I don't feel pain like the rest of them... Pleaseee, I'm going through hell and back these days.
you know that girl friend people are trippin about?!
I've NEVER met my girlfriend YET! I've been dating her for 8 months.. and I've never met her in real life... CUZ I can't even make the gatdamn money to go see her. TRUST ME, i want to see her sooo bad. Makes me want to cry my eyes out.. how pathetic my life has become that I can't even make the funds to see her. People don't even realize how difficult my relationship is with my gf now, but they are so busy saying, "oh... shes not black... he doesn't practice what he preaches.. what a douche-bag... I knew he was a phony... he doesn't really care... he never cared for black women ... he , he , he" MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I SPENT ONLINE FIGHTING FOR YOU ! Let me please try just live my life ... PLEASSSSSEEE ... I BEG YOU !! PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So much freakin drama over this crap... So exhausting eh?well for me anyway .
You know , i'ma speak my mind honestly here. If you get offended so be it. I feel Black woman got it really bad... not because of the media, but because of certain diseased black women. I might be too bold to say this of course, but over the time As I observed black women... I saw many who tried to get back up, and move as a whole unit. I saw many who were hurt because of the media, and in their negative experiences. However, Many, probably 80% of them stood their ground and they praised God that they were still Blessed. They had hope things will be better, and things will definitely change one day. AND IT WILL.
But! There is SOOOO many within the Bw community that just KILLSSSSS it for the rest of them. It's like they are playing tug of war... and all the beautiful, strong and willing black women are pulling there hardest. They have there feet in the ground, hands blistering ,and sweating. And these negative ass black women just standing there, complaining at the black women saying why you even trying? we ain't even gonna win, why try? Your nothing to them and you know it! You think they will give u the time of day?! Just bickkkering motherfuckers!
It breaks my heart to see these good black women who just ignore the haters, and they look towards the sky, sighing , wishing they would get support. But there are haters on the opposing side who is talking shit also . So in a sense, there hearing shit from BOTH sides. From black women and the enemy (who ever it may be) .
And as I see this happening, I get sooooo fuckin fustratedd! Thats why I spend hours and hours a day replying to all these negative ass black women. They say the WOOOOORSSTTTT shit. AND I told you guys before that shit was happening... But you know what y'all told me then? NO~ they are just white guys pretending to be Bw, or they are angry bm etc etc.. NO THEY WEREN'T. I knew from the start they were angry bw, but I kept it to myself.. and defended you guys till my fuckin fingers bled.
I had so much arguments with my ex gf because I would spend all my time on youtube replying to negative people. Here is the thing ladies and gentleman.. IF they were saying SHIT TO ME? I would pass it by like it ain't no thang. But, they are talking SHIT about MY Fans and subscribers. Saying shit about the good black women in my site. And you know how fuckin frustrating that is?!!!! Take Rahni Oates for a second, shes the greatest Black women I've ever met in my life. Shes a bit older then most, but she has so much class and poise and she just blows my mind away with her aura. But! these negative ass Mofos talking SHIT about her, Not only her but PLENNNTY of others who are just so positive , and energetic.
There are many times where I would try to ignore it, but it would EAT AT ME. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT HER, OR HER?! WHAT ABOUT YOU!? WTF DID YOU EVER DO FOR THE COMMUNITY!? And just one after another... and I would just lose my damn mind!
Anyway.
I talk to many of my fans on facebook, and I talk to them daily. Many are hurt not from other men, but from OTHER black women, or black men. It's so cruel to see ! It's like these wonderful bw are building a beautiful tower made of gold for the world to see, but these damn trolls , negative ass bitches , just tear it down. I think it's because they know they've done NOTHING for the community, and they KNOW they won't GET SHIT in return. And they don't DESERVE shit. and thats a FACT.
I know most of my black female fans KNOW how much I care for all of you. I've shown it many times not through youtube, but through my actions via facebook, blogtv , blogs etc etc. I often try to show and tell you guys how I really feel. But damnit, my life hasn't been so damn good lately!
I've been going through a lot of hard times! Thus looking towards God more... but people are so selfish to tend to there own needs, and they turn a blind eye to my problems. Like I'm not even human so I don't feel pain like the rest of them... Pleaseee, I'm going through hell and back these days.
you know that girl friend people are trippin about?!
I've NEVER met my girlfriend YET! I've been dating her for 8 months.. and I've never met her in real life... CUZ I can't even make the gatdamn money to go see her. TRUST ME, i want to see her sooo bad. Makes me want to cry my eyes out.. how pathetic my life has become that I can't even make the funds to see her. People don't even realize how difficult my relationship is with my gf now, but they are so busy saying, "oh... shes not black... he doesn't practice what he preaches.. what a douche-bag... I knew he was a phony... he doesn't really care... he never cared for black women ... he , he , he" MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I SPENT ONLINE FIGHTING FOR YOU ! Let me please try just live my life ... PLEASSSSSEEE ... I BEG YOU !! PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Why i like cats.
Oh hai there~
Box muncher , ahaha~ this is such a cute cat.. Look at it's freakin eyeeesss! ahhh ... I how the mouth area is all :3!!!
me like chokolate... mew mew.. mai tail looks like choko! meowww! nom nom nom~
yea okay, enough cats for now ahah~
Dear readers,
Do you know why I like cats? You wouldn't have guessed but I used to HATTTTTE cats. I was one of those kids that used to get annoyed with anything catish... I just liked Dogs, and puppies and shit like that. But it all changed ,and I know why. It isn't because they are cute, or adorable looking.. because back then, even the cutest kitteh didn't phase me.. just eh~
But there was this girl I used to like. Typical TenchiJk drama ahha, but foreals. I was like in kid love with her. There were several girls at the time who were interested me ... but her... she NEVER liked me. She always looked at me with disgust, like she knew I was an arrogant prick or something. ( I was >.< ) And because she was so .. hard to get in a sense, my WHOLE attention went to her... needless to say, I didn't get much attention back. Damn whorrree!! Jkjk .. So I gave up, and just pursued my dating career elsewhere, where the waters were more friendly and not shark infested. However, these sixes(barracudas) weren't doing me any justice... I wanted that KILLER WHALE(8ish), SHAMU up in this bitchhhh.. So my attention kinda went back to her..
Like always she wouldn't give me the time of day... But one day, as I was stalking the shit outta her.. I found out, You guessed it, she LOVES CATS. Ahahah... and so I started to try to get into it myself.. to kinda, i dunno ... LURE her? Maybe i'd have something to say ? But you can't force someone to like something you know? And true to that testament, i really couldn't like cats... It was forced.
But one day, I overheard her talking to one of her friends, Cause i'm a stalking bastard ahah. And I overheard her saying that I reminded her of one of her cats. Bam~ I realized, OHHH SHIET~~ she might actually like me then? she likes cats,she thinks cats are cute, I am this cat, thus I am cute and she likes me!?
Later I found out her cat LOOKED UGLY AS SHID.
This cat rah here lol.
Long story short... I ended up getting mad at her. We were KINDA friends.. you know the kind were you just say hi once in a while. Have a little chit chat now and again.. but it gets too awkward so we don't say much. One of THOSE. So I got frustrated , or mad at her ... and I just blew up at her face. Saying my complaints, which now that I think about it was all because I liked her ahahha, silly me.
I ended up confessing how I really felt, and etc etc .. and after a lonnnnng awkward silence, and My eyes hopefully gazing upon her face.
She told me , she thought I was cute and liked me in a way, but I reminded her too much like her brother ... who passed away. eee.. I was like ouch. But did that stop me? no way~ I kept pushing it, while giving her a bit of space..of course, like a gentleman *tips hat* and then I asked her out. I had a happy 2 year with her... and Her dad moved her away to germany.. and never got to see her again.
But, the love for Cats some how remained... It's not necessarily because it reminds me of her, but I understand why people like them so much now. They ARE cute, and freakin Adorable... So I just wanted to tell you all a short, but relevant story to why I like cats :). Meow meow!
CATURDAY!
Like always she wouldn't give me the time of day... But one day, as I was stalking the shit outta her.. I found out, You guessed it, she LOVES CATS. Ahahah... and so I started to try to get into it myself.. to kinda, i dunno ... LURE her? Maybe i'd have something to say ? But you can't force someone to like something you know? And true to that testament, i really couldn't like cats... It was forced.
But one day, I overheard her talking to one of her friends, Cause i'm a stalking bastard ahah. And I overheard her saying that I reminded her of one of her cats. Bam~ I realized, OHHH SHIET~~ she might actually like me then? she likes cats,she thinks cats are cute, I am this cat, thus I am cute and she likes me!?
Later I found out her cat LOOKED UGLY AS SHID.
This cat rah here lol.
Long story short... I ended up getting mad at her. We were KINDA friends.. you know the kind were you just say hi once in a while. Have a little chit chat now and again.. but it gets too awkward so we don't say much. One of THOSE. So I got frustrated , or mad at her ... and I just blew up at her face. Saying my complaints, which now that I think about it was all because I liked her ahahha, silly me.
I ended up confessing how I really felt, and etc etc .. and after a lonnnnng awkward silence, and My eyes hopefully gazing upon her face.
She told me , she thought I was cute and liked me in a way, but I reminded her too much like her brother ... who passed away. eee.. I was like ouch. But did that stop me? no way~ I kept pushing it, while giving her a bit of space..of course, like a gentleman *tips hat* and then I asked her out. I had a happy 2 year with her... and Her dad moved her away to germany.. and never got to see her again.
But, the love for Cats some how remained... It's not necessarily because it reminds me of her, but I understand why people like them so much now. They ARE cute, and freakin Adorable... So I just wanted to tell you all a short, but relevant story to why I like cats :). Meow meow!
CATURDAY!
-TenchiJk-
Saturday, October 2, 2010
to my blog readers
Dear readers ,
This is just a friendly reminder that I do indeed read your comments. However, unlike Facebook or you tube, i find it extremely hard replying back to them individually due to the length and massive content in it.
One comment said she could not read me , because I am good at hiding myself. I completely agree. I got to a point in my life where I truly don't know who I am anymore. The way I present myself has always been forced by a situation or a condition.
For example, the way I talk . Though being brought up in a urban city, and having a lot of black influences, I CHOSE to be this way. I remember I used to hate being Asian, and used to hate speaking like the "white man" . I was torn by racism as a kid, and it just left a sour taste in my mouth. Thats when I forced myself into a different world, where things seemed more free. however, it proved to lead me towards a more negative direction.
I wanted to be invisible, and alone. However, I brought more attention to myself with the choices I made in my life. The people I decided to hang out with completely changed who i was. Deep inside my soul, there was my original self, telling me to throw away this mask I wore. All the same, I was scared to be who i was. More and more as times went on, the masks piled on. Layer after layer... slowly forgetting who I was. Ditching my identity to become some "thing" different. As I started to grow older, I was stuck in this casting I created . Years of calluses doesn't go away so easy, and origin of my nature was just lost.
What I'm simply trying to say is, I don't know who I am. I've been influenced with so many things, and I've became them. I can't say I'm making this all up, because I feel what I feel. I completely believe what I believe. But, deep down inside I feel like a lost soul wishing to just see a glimpse of what I am truly.
What scars I have you all may never know, and what pains I have stored I wish to not share. However, what I did learn from all the misadventures of my life is that, life is fickle. You get hurt if you do not form a defense. Nevertheless, your defenses will always break... always. Then you will find yourself lost once again, searching and searching. I believe thats when you find serenity. Calm , submissive , and your spirit gives up to a higher power. Out of your own stubborn mouth you start to confess your evilness. Things you would never think to say , or admit in the past. But, in the burning surface of your heart you let go all inhibitions and just let go. You tell this higher being everything you are ,and are not. Then you find your true nature...
So the top few paragraphs are indeed my thoughts in the past. Because I know exactly who I am. When I found my true self, it wasn't pretty. It wasn't the reflection in the cool still waters I was expecting. It wasn't as clean as I once hoped .
There, waiting for me was not myself, but a demon. Lurking about, telling me this is who you are, this is all you are. My mind and my soul fought diligently , convincing this demon I am NOT you, You are NOT me. Later in the midst of battle, the lieutenant which is my soul falls on it's own sword. My mind left alone unable to fend of the demons which that rushes me. In that midst, I saw a hand . A golden hand ,a peaceful grip, and a wonderful caress. A Saviour.
This man tells me, I no longer need be alone... No longer do I need to fight alone. You may not have strength but I have all the strength to the ends of the earth. In me, there is tranquility, peace, love and spirit. With the shield of Faith he comforts me, and with his righteous might he avenges me. He shelters me in his kingdom, and let no evil enter it's holy doors. Keeping me near by to heal my wounds, and bring me to happiness. I knew who I was .
I no longer mattered in the equation, but only his name . Whether i was confused , whether i was lost, the Sheppard did not care. I am but a lamb, lost in the vast field. He leads me to the green pastures allowing me to play and enjoy life... but when I am lost, he finds me till he finds me. The joy of having such a God, is my blessing. So I know who I am.
I am a son, I am his son, and I am righteous through his lovely sacrifice. The remembrance of that gives me all the peace I need. This is my own personal psalm, just like king David who lived before us. This is my song I sing to our heavenly father above .
I guess i need to end this with an amen?
-TenchiJk-
This is just a friendly reminder that I do indeed read your comments. However, unlike Facebook or you tube, i find it extremely hard replying back to them individually due to the length and massive content in it.
One comment said she could not read me , because I am good at hiding myself. I completely agree. I got to a point in my life where I truly don't know who I am anymore. The way I present myself has always been forced by a situation or a condition.
For example, the way I talk . Though being brought up in a urban city, and having a lot of black influences, I CHOSE to be this way. I remember I used to hate being Asian, and used to hate speaking like the "white man" . I was torn by racism as a kid, and it just left a sour taste in my mouth. Thats when I forced myself into a different world, where things seemed more free. however, it proved to lead me towards a more negative direction.
I wanted to be invisible, and alone. However, I brought more attention to myself with the choices I made in my life. The people I decided to hang out with completely changed who i was. Deep inside my soul, there was my original self, telling me to throw away this mask I wore. All the same, I was scared to be who i was. More and more as times went on, the masks piled on. Layer after layer... slowly forgetting who I was. Ditching my identity to become some "thing" different. As I started to grow older, I was stuck in this casting I created . Years of calluses doesn't go away so easy, and origin of my nature was just lost.
What I'm simply trying to say is, I don't know who I am. I've been influenced with so many things, and I've became them. I can't say I'm making this all up, because I feel what I feel. I completely believe what I believe. But, deep down inside I feel like a lost soul wishing to just see a glimpse of what I am truly.
What scars I have you all may never know, and what pains I have stored I wish to not share. However, what I did learn from all the misadventures of my life is that, life is fickle. You get hurt if you do not form a defense. Nevertheless, your defenses will always break... always. Then you will find yourself lost once again, searching and searching. I believe thats when you find serenity. Calm , submissive , and your spirit gives up to a higher power. Out of your own stubborn mouth you start to confess your evilness. Things you would never think to say , or admit in the past. But, in the burning surface of your heart you let go all inhibitions and just let go. You tell this higher being everything you are ,and are not. Then you find your true nature...
So the top few paragraphs are indeed my thoughts in the past. Because I know exactly who I am. When I found my true self, it wasn't pretty. It wasn't the reflection in the cool still waters I was expecting. It wasn't as clean as I once hoped .
There, waiting for me was not myself, but a demon. Lurking about, telling me this is who you are, this is all you are. My mind and my soul fought diligently , convincing this demon I am NOT you, You are NOT me. Later in the midst of battle, the lieutenant which is my soul falls on it's own sword. My mind left alone unable to fend of the demons which that rushes me. In that midst, I saw a hand . A golden hand ,a peaceful grip, and a wonderful caress. A Saviour.
This man tells me, I no longer need be alone... No longer do I need to fight alone. You may not have strength but I have all the strength to the ends of the earth. In me, there is tranquility, peace, love and spirit. With the shield of Faith he comforts me, and with his righteous might he avenges me. He shelters me in his kingdom, and let no evil enter it's holy doors. Keeping me near by to heal my wounds, and bring me to happiness. I knew who I was .
I no longer mattered in the equation, but only his name . Whether i was confused , whether i was lost, the Sheppard did not care. I am but a lamb, lost in the vast field. He leads me to the green pastures allowing me to play and enjoy life... but when I am lost, he finds me till he finds me. The joy of having such a God, is my blessing. So I know who I am.
I am a son, I am his son, and I am righteous through his lovely sacrifice. The remembrance of that gives me all the peace I need. This is my own personal psalm, just like king David who lived before us. This is my song I sing to our heavenly father above .
I guess i need to end this with an amen?
-TenchiJk-
Life is a melody
Dear Readers,
I , for the first time found a woman I can completely share my troubles with. I don't know how grateful I am to have found such a woman. This girl is so kind, and wonderful it just puts in at awe. She is so far away from me , but yet she feels so close ... Of course the pain of not being able to hold her and kiss her gets in the way. However, if I had to wait for someone it would most definitely be her. Today reminded me of how much I love her, and that it doesn't matter the distance. I have a return of passion in my heart, and I have the strength to keep on loving. I truly wish this relationship works out, because I have never found anything more pure, and real. This is the first real relationship where its foundation lies in our hearts, and our minds first. Physical comes next. Overall, I feel a giant load off my back, and I feel anew once again.
Recently, I've been going through troubles I really cannot post online ... I really wish I could tell my fans and subscribers, however as you all know that isn't all that possible now. Life is difficult at the moment, as it is with all of you all... just a bit complicated thats all. I pray God will rescue me out of this mess i'm in, and let me smile truly once again. I don't think I've genuinely smiled in a long time. I smile , laugh and dance for you all in the video, but as some of you know there is a crying boy inside. I really wish crying would stop and I really wish I can grow stronger.
I've become numb to the world, and I've become numb to myself. I really wish to escape this world, and go on ahead to some where peaceful... but life still beckons me to stay, and finish what I have came here to do. Will I grow old and dusty, or prematurely journey on to the next life? These are some questions I ask my self daily for no particular reasons... it just comes to me . It frighten me.
With all this said, I feel I won' t be thankful for what I have. however, I can' t deny the fact I got it better then most people. But my problems are difficult because they are set at my level. They are difficult for me, and I find it hard to defeat this problem. I just hope it gets better, i want it to stop hurting. I want to stop crying. I just want it to all stop.
I , for the first time found a woman I can completely share my troubles with. I don't know how grateful I am to have found such a woman. This girl is so kind, and wonderful it just puts in at awe. She is so far away from me , but yet she feels so close ... Of course the pain of not being able to hold her and kiss her gets in the way. However, if I had to wait for someone it would most definitely be her. Today reminded me of how much I love her, and that it doesn't matter the distance. I have a return of passion in my heart, and I have the strength to keep on loving. I truly wish this relationship works out, because I have never found anything more pure, and real. This is the first real relationship where its foundation lies in our hearts, and our minds first. Physical comes next. Overall, I feel a giant load off my back, and I feel anew once again.
Recently, I've been going through troubles I really cannot post online ... I really wish I could tell my fans and subscribers, however as you all know that isn't all that possible now. Life is difficult at the moment, as it is with all of you all... just a bit complicated thats all. I pray God will rescue me out of this mess i'm in, and let me smile truly once again. I don't think I've genuinely smiled in a long time. I smile , laugh and dance for you all in the video, but as some of you know there is a crying boy inside. I really wish crying would stop and I really wish I can grow stronger.
I've become numb to the world, and I've become numb to myself. I really wish to escape this world, and go on ahead to some where peaceful... but life still beckons me to stay, and finish what I have came here to do. Will I grow old and dusty, or prematurely journey on to the next life? These are some questions I ask my self daily for no particular reasons... it just comes to me . It frighten me.
With all this said, I feel I won' t be thankful for what I have. however, I can' t deny the fact I got it better then most people. But my problems are difficult because they are set at my level. They are difficult for me, and I find it hard to defeat this problem. I just hope it gets better, i want it to stop hurting. I want to stop crying. I just want it to all stop.
I guess when I write these things, my emotions crawl out. It's amazing how my fingers transpose the music of my soul... it captures the empathy, like a symphony. My anger into melodies... and sadness flows together with the anger like a harmony. I'm the composer who waves the magic wand, wishing to control the tempo... wishing the world would slow down and bring it down a flat.
I don't know what I just wrote... but that is what I wrote. I must be losing my mind.
Your friend,
Tenchijk
I don't know what I just wrote... but that is what I wrote. I must be losing my mind.
Your friend,
Tenchijk
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