About Me

My name is TenchiJK, I'm a asian/american guy who has alot of different shit to say about life. Nuff said lol

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Saturday, October 2, 2010

to my blog readers

Dear readers ,

This is just a friendly reminder that I do indeed read your comments. However, unlike Facebook or you tube, i find it extremely hard replying back to them individually due to the length and massive content in it.

One comment said she could not read me , because I am good at hiding myself. I completely agree. I got to a point in my life where I truly don't know who I am anymore. The way I present myself has always been forced by a situation or a condition.

For example, the way I talk . Though being brought up in a urban city, and having a lot of black influences, I CHOSE to be this way. I remember I used to hate being Asian, and used to hate speaking like the "white man" . I was torn by racism as a kid, and it just left a sour taste in my mouth. Thats when I forced myself into a different world, where things seemed more free. however, it proved to lead me towards a more negative direction.

I wanted to be invisible, and alone. However, I brought more attention to myself with the choices I made in my life. The people I decided to hang out with completely changed who i was. Deep inside my soul, there was my original self, telling me to throw away this mask I wore. All the same, I was scared to be who i was. More and more as times went on, the masks piled on. Layer after layer... slowly forgetting who I was. Ditching my identity to become some "thing" different. As I started to grow older, I was stuck in this casting I created . Years of calluses doesn't go away so easy, and origin of my nature was just lost.

What I'm simply trying to say is, I don't know who I am. I've been influenced with so many things, and I've became them. I can't say I'm making this all up, because I feel what I feel. I completely believe what I believe. But, deep down inside I feel like a lost soul wishing to just see a glimpse of what I am truly.

What scars I have you all may never know, and what pains I have stored I wish to not share. However, what I did learn from all the misadventures of my life is that, life is fickle. You get hurt if you do not form a defense. Nevertheless, your defenses will always break... always. Then you will find yourself lost once again, searching and searching. I believe thats when you find serenity. Calm , submissive , and your spirit gives up to a higher power. Out of your own stubborn mouth you start to confess your evilness. Things you would never think to say , or admit in the past. But, in the burning surface of your heart you let go all inhibitions and just let go. You tell this higher being everything you are ,and are not. Then you find your true nature...

So the top few paragraphs are indeed my thoughts in the past. Because I know exactly who I am. When I found my true self, it wasn't pretty. It wasn't the reflection in the cool still waters I was expecting. It wasn't as clean as I once hoped .

There, waiting for me was not myself, but a demon. Lurking about, telling me this is who you are, this is all you are. My mind and my soul fought diligently , convincing this demon I am NOT you, You are NOT me. Later in the midst of battle, the lieutenant which is my soul falls on it's own sword. My mind left alone unable to fend of the demons which that rushes me. In that midst, I saw a hand . A golden hand ,a peaceful grip, and a wonderful caress. A Saviour.

This man tells me, I no longer need be alone... No longer do I need to fight alone. You may not have strength but I have all the strength to the ends of the earth. In me, there is tranquility, peace, love and spirit. With the shield of Faith he comforts me, and with his righteous might he avenges me. He shelters me in his kingdom, and let no evil enter it's holy doors. Keeping me near by to heal my wounds, and bring me to happiness. I knew who I was .

I no longer mattered in the equation, but only his name . Whether i was confused , whether i was lost, the Sheppard did not care. I am but a lamb, lost in the vast field. He leads me to the green pastures allowing me to play and enjoy life... but when I am lost, he finds me till he finds me. The joy of having such a God, is my blessing. So I know who I am.

I am a son, I am his son, and I am righteous through his lovely sacrifice. The remembrance of that gives me all the peace I need. This is my own personal psalm, just like king David who lived before us. This is my song I sing to our heavenly father above .

I guess i need to end this with an amen?


-TenchiJk-

13 comments:

  1. Amen !...Once again ,this was nicely written.
    To be lost and find yourself at last, theres nothing like it.
    Those last paragraphs I hope you never forget them,
    In your times of troubles
    In those complicated times in life that always arises.
    That is your song ,That is your story
    To God be the Glory.

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  2. Aye~ to God be the glory indeed :)!
    Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to read this. Have a wonderful day

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  3. *snap snap* Amen! nicely written indeed, I really like this! It's amazing how you can just let your emotions flow likethis.
    The 8th paragragh really stood out to me...
    "the lieutenant which is my soul falls on it's own sword...unable to fend off the demons which that rushes me" <---LOVE that line

    More power to ya Tenchi! ^_~
    Take Care <3

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  4. You're such a good writer Tenchi. You've got a way with written words that don't really have the same affect when spoken. I do have a question though, when you mention the way you talk in the earlier paragraph, are you saying that how you talk today, or who you ¨are¨ today, is part of the ¨layer¨ you wanted to get rid of or are you referring to your past?

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  5. @ vanilla , I'm not really sure about that part myself. I guess After all the troubles I recieved for being who I was, I naturally wanted to get rid of it. However, now... I'm thinking a bit differently. I'm just going to embrace it now.

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  6. @tenchi You should because obviously, someone cares for you just the way you are :)

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  7. @ mone1 and vanilla , what are your real names? I've been meaning to do a small shout outs.

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  8. Thank you for your consideration..it is most greatly appreciated...
    To know that people could be worlds apart but still have that human connection.
    Strangers ,yes ..but still a part of God's creation.
    Although I may be one of those blue creatures from Avatar
    Empathy ,love ,compassion to one another ,serves as my inspiration.
    Yours sincerely
    Simone

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  9. everyone wears mask in this world because the world always judges people unfairly so people never get the chance to show their true self
    we know its hard replying to ppls msg.. as long as ur okay everyone will be happy at least

    from a (chingu!)friend that appreciates the person who you are not what you are worth.. !~!FIGHTING Tenchi !~!

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  10. Hello David,
    I'm not really a fan, or hater (lol), just a random stranger who stumbled upon your videos a couple days ago. I just spent the last 6 hours watching your videos and reading all of your blogs! I couldn't stop reading. Not big on the internet stuff but I just had to leave a comment. Your stories are very uplifting, funny, yet heartbreaking at the same time. I don't think I've ever know anyone like you; willing to put your heart and soul out there for everyone to see despite all the criticism. I wish I had your courage...and strong faith, despite all you've been through (guess I'm one those lost souls).
    This is a weird but wonderful experience for me. I almost felt guilty for reading. It felt like listening into a very private conversation that I shouldn't be listening to. I couldn't believe that this is actually someone's deepest private thoughts and feelings! I honestly don't know how you do it. You're amazing, your writing is great, and you should give yourself more credit. Anyways, thank you for sharing. Thanks for the laughter and knowledge. I wish you success in all of your future relationships and projects, whether it is acting, singing, writing etc...I know this might sound corny, but just follow your heart; you have a good heart so just listen to it.

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  11. *claps* You write beutifully, not many people can write on the same level as you. ( myself included)You self analyse so deeply and in a different perspective...I was lost in this reading...I feel like (from what ive seen)your very open with your feelings and open to see what others feel,which I admire. :)
    Thanks for the good read! ;)

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  12. I love this. They are not just words, but your feelings. You are really poetic. Ever thought about writing professionally? You should give it a thought. Your words are always inspiring. :)

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