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My name is TenchiJK, I'm a asian/american guy who has alot of different shit to say about life. Nuff said lol

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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Weed has ruined me.

Dear Readers,

As some of you guys know, I used to defend weed. I used to say it was the greatest thing, and it brought me countless joy. However, I want to really take this time and tell you guys the opposite. Weed is one of the scariest drug. I honestly NEVER thought this, but now I do.

I don't want to blame my whole life solely on weed, because that would be a lie. My life was my own fault, but weed definitely played a huge role in my failures.

I started smoking around 16-17, little at a time. It was exciting, and to be honest , the best time of my life. The thrill of scoring some new strain of weed, and smoking it with friends was my idea of a great time.

I ended up quitting weed for a time, because I joined the military at age 19. I really wanted to smoke , but I couldn't because of the fear of random drug tests; if I was to get caught, it would ruin me for life. Being sober had its down moments too, don't get me wrong... but i was much healthier then.

Long story short, I ended up smoking again. I made countless excuses for my smoking.

-I can't sleep
-I'm depressed, weed would make me happy.
-I don't eat so well, weed helps me eat better .
-I'm bored, it entertains me

etc etc... But what it really did was.

-Keep me awake throughout the night because things were tripping me out. Or entertaining me.
-Got more depressed, and felt so much anxiety.
-Ate more junk food, and began to get lazier.
-Kept me entertained, but when the high was over , life became that much more boring.

I hate feeling this way . I hate feeling ugly, and hate feeling so weak. I remember when i was in high-school I was so active. I wanted to run, exercise, swim, and just get healthy. I couldn't stand to see my stomach have any flabs, and would do massive amounts of sit ups. But now, I couldn't care less... and this is a problem for me.

I just wanted to take this time, and warn young individuals who want to start smoking. I can't lie and say its the worst thing ever, because its not. But, you must know, there is definitely some bullshit you will have to deal with. And if I could do it again, I would NEVER touch weed. Its surprisingly VERY addictive. I always thought I could quit ANYTIME ,but that shit was a lie. I've consciously made decisions to quit, but failed every time. Of course, many people are stronger then I am, and could defeat this addiction. But, I honestly couldn't. Most people cannot quit. It's abnormal for people to be able to just drop it.


I still think weed is an amazing plant. It does things you cannot imagine, its a fantastic plant. But, its so easy to abuse it. Its too easy to just fall into its temptation. Its like putting tuna in front of a cat , and telling the cat , just nibble on it ... and eat small portions. The cat would circle this tuna every hour, and eat all of it. NOM NOM NOM.

There are many people who would say I'm a little bitch for quitting weed. That's the weird thing i noticed about weed smokers. If anyone decides to make their life better by quitting weed, they label you as a loser for some odd reason. like your not " down" anymore. Your not fighting the "power". But fuck all that! When I'm high I become a sheep. I cannot think for myself, and i tend to just blend in with everyone else. I'm so tired of be subservient. Being sober is fighting the power.

I still believe that weed SHOULD be Legal. Only because there are many benefits that come with it. But who knows, life could be more shittier with it legal~ call it a wild card i dunno.

But anyway... I woke up this morning, and realized all the mess I've made in my apartment. Dishes piled up, stove all crusty with food I've cooked. Pieces of rice, spam, carrots, corn... and I had no idea I made this mess. Then I started to feel very self conscious... began to realize, my roommates might think I'm a slob now... ( they all smoke weed, so it makes it even harder to quit) I made a choice to distance myself from them. Not because they are bad people, but because they can function with weed, but I cannot. I tried... But I become a loser when I'm high. I'm not funny , I'm not active, I'm not musical (throats all hoarse) ... So I just become this carcass made from loser meat.

So, when I woke up this morning, I gave all my weed away , and decided to take a walk... and realized what I needed to do the most was to just quit smoking. I hope my character returns... because I miss him very much. He was much more confident, and was much more spiritual. He had a great walk with God, and he had hope, and he had motivation. Currently, I'm none of those things...

I've started to doubt the existence of God, I've lost loads of confidence, and I feel more lazy then anything else. But I write this, so that I may read this one day ... and hopefully see myself as a better person. I'm done with mary jane, and I'm starting my life a brand new.

Good bye Sticky icky, mister bubbly , purple hazy , mr kush...

-TenchiJK-

16 comments:

  1. Great for you Tenchi! Hope you keep this up, i know ya can ^^ and I fully support you :3
    what have you been up to lately? long time no speak :)

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  2. Although weed seems generally safe for use, I feel that like any other substance, which includes varieties of food, it should be taken in moderation. I know that Katt Williams jokes about how people with nothing going for them would be crazy not to smoke weed, but I've seen some dysfunctional do-nothing types who rely too heavily on it and it becomes a crutch I think. So I won't blame the weed itself, but with the way it is used in mainstream culture it seems to encourage one to do nothing.

    I never grew up in weed culture so I don't feel like I'm missing anything. It's funny how anyone would claim "you don't know what you're missing" about anything b/c if you haven't experienced something, for better or for worse, you develop no inherent longing for it. You just don't want it. Goes without saying that you don't NEED it. So that's how I am with weed. And you know, I hate cigarettes so I'm not going to like anything else that produces smoke.

    I'm wondering if weed smokers are more likely to smoke cigarettes or vice versa.

    And in my opinion weed stinks. And I don't want that kind of stink following me or making my breath funky. And I hate the peer pressure, which can be associated with any other drug or joint activity. I just have a bad feeling about most drugs, including alcohol, if you have people encouraging you to do something you don't want to do and could affect your health. I hardly drink and even though I've done weed once and drunk on a few occasions, it's not something I would miss if we ever had another ban on substances. But I wouldn't support an outright ban b/c people should have a choice.

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  3. @grace i've just been chilling~ doing school work, shooting photography, learning about film.. etc etc. Simply, having a great ass time!

    @ Marona Although i would have never agreed with you in the past, i do now. I've experienced first hand what it could do. I think those who smoke herb are more likely to smoke cigs~ i see it alot. I appreciate your comment mates :)

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  4. Hello Tenchi!!!
    Im not gonna lie, I felt disappointed while reading this, why? I dont know!! maybe because I have a cousin who is addicted to weed and is a total mess. I know that what I think or write is of not much importance but I just felt sad to know that you, such an awesome person, would be doing that. I'm fairly new to your posts... I saw one of ur videos a long time ago but just recently suscribed, and when I get a chance, I watch your vids, and i can honestly say that you always manage to make me smile and I love u for that. I sincerely hope that you stay strong and determined on the decision you have made, you have alot of people that support and love you, Im one of them!!!
    Nuna Loves you Tenchi!!

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  5. Life has many twist and turns~ I think that it's really stand up that you can take a honest look at yourself and honestly want to make changes for the better. And from what I can remember you really do try. Try not to beat yourself up if your efforts fail to try and stop a certain behavior, we are creatures of habit and for a lot of people it's a real struggle to break a habit. I have behaviors and habits I need to quail myself. I know alot of people who smoke cigarettes and they still do till this day. I feel bad for them :(

    When I was in high school I was one of those kids that made a conscious decision not to smoke cigarettes or do drugs. So I guess I was considered a square ...lol But you are right the kids that did smoke weed,drugs,drinked etc...looked at you as not so cool. So I pretty much steered clear of them I didn't want to succumb to the peer pressure. But looking back I'm glad I did choose that path it kept me out of a lot of trouble.

    Tenchi I respect your choice, and if you fall I won't judge, nothings etched in stone and I hope nothing gets in the way of the things that you want out of life.

    I'll be praying for you~
    Good Luck

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  6. Your tuna and cat analogy made me laugh

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  7. Hey I understand what you mean by losing sight of what you once were. Also about losing a bit of faith through it. Life is a hard road to travel, and some more than others suffer a bit more whiplash. But I think it's largely perception based.

    Either way I'm falling off topic, I'm sure you would find that many ppl completely understand where you're coming from and by no means are you alone in your search to find what you hold dear. Just keep your head up, maybe if you make it you could leave some bread crumbs. =/

    Take care...
    Anica

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  8. Don't let your struggles and failures keep you from the hope you have found and the promises God has for you. I felt the same way this summer after I started doing something that didn't line up with my beliefs. At first I was thinking it would be a one time thing, but It became a common occurrence and it was so hard for me to stop. It became a hinderance in my faith too, but as christians we should not rely on our own strength because we fail ourselves. Don't be too hard on yourself and remember that His mercy and grace is sufficient :)

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  9. Weed is not bad. It just depends on the person taking it. You have to take it moderately, or otherwise you'll face the consequences. But, even then, you have to be careful, just as with any drug really. Be it caffeine, aspirins, whatever. Shit, I'm all awake n can't get sleep right now thanks to caffeine! :( Anyway, I know you've experienced shit with the weed but it ain't it's fault. But, it's never really good to depend on drugs 4 entertainment too much, anyway, because they can put u in bad place if ur too crazy with it, which happens a lot with ppl. It's just better to be sober most of the time. Anyway, best of luck! Thought I share my view. : )

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  10. Been following your YouTube channel for some time, but since you've been kinda quiet there I searched to see what you've been up to. Glad I found your blog and blogTV channel.

    They thing I love about you is your honesty about yourself. That is inspiring! And a virtue far too scarce these days.

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  11. Dear Tenchi: I gave my life to Jesus Christ and since then everything around me has been different,still there are things that i need to change about myself just as you are trying to change the way you lived, what matters the most is to find that courage in ourselves to make it happen. I know that you can do whatever you propose to do,so everytime you find yourself in a situation you can't handle remember Jesus is at your side too, and I'll be cheering at you from miles away spiritually, and don't regret yesterday, life is on your today and you make your tomorrow. A song that really makes me feel like a new person is ''I'm not who i was'' by Brandon Heath, this one is available on YouTube and it really motivates you to keep on. Love and Peace from Puerto Rico to you and your family. Gina.

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  12. That's what up T

    Those little green trees were a serious staple in my life. I didn't have the experience you did (you had friends to cush with, I was the only mathematics grad student who seemed to always have five lighters).

    When I started to write my first novel those d@mn sticky bushes were my homie! Blast of an idea at 2AM? Grab the funyuns and grape soda, scrape out a dutch and type away. Tripped me out because the stuff I'd write was actually good. Problem was, I live in a three story house. By the time I made it to my bedroom my lungs were jumping out my chest.

    I feel you on this so hard it's like you wrote from my diary.
    If I had one.

    You talk about getting your character back? I just wanted to let go of some of mine. My head stayed in create mode so deep I started to forget who Lightfoot was. I stomped out my last cherry a while back and me and myself are way cool now.

    I'll cut you if you try to take my funyuns though.

    I don't want to talk your head off, just wanted you to know I get it. It's like limbo cause half my friends still treat me like a walking tree, the ones who wish I still got down look at me like a martian.
    All I know is. . . it feels good to breathe!

    Strength!

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  13. This prolly doesn't help or relate at all but I've tried smoking week several times. But not until much later in life... after 24. I used to call everyone that smoked a loser, then ppl close to me started to seriously say to me, how can you really judge ppl like that if you never tried it. So i did, and you know what the weirdest thing is?

    I HATE IT!

    I CANNOT make that crap fun no matter how hard I try. And i didn't just give it a little try, I did like at least 1-2 months TWICE! OMG it's HORRIBLE! it makes my head feel all tight, my face looks like absolute crap, I stink to high heaven, I can't converse well, I'm paraniod as hell! UGH! PLUS it takes friggin forever to wear off. It's not like alcohol where you can nap and you're good, ugh no! Plus after I smoke my freakin chest BURNS like the entire time I'm high, totally ruining my high, I can't even think about the high cuz my chest and throat are on fire, and nothing makes it go away.

    Sometimes I think after my experiences that you have to start young to fall in love with it. Everyone that I know that loves it started out as a teen, and those who don't have entered into adulthood without trying it.

    It prolly does ruin your life, as well as any other drug. But I say let ppl do what makes them happy. If it's searching for God, then do that, if it's searching for a high, then do that! And when you're dead your actions will speak for themselves.

    And that's all.

    Good luck trying to quit.

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  14. I'm happy for you Tenchi. Weed is not for everyone. The one thing that I've learned coming from a culture where weed has been a huge part of my life, is that ganja enhances both the positive and the negative. I have a father that has smoked it all his life and during his high it makes him work faster and efficently. He is of the Rastafarian culture but to other people I have seen it do a lot of negative things. Your mind and will has to play a big part when it comes to ganja. For me and the situations I'm going through right now, it wouldn't do me any good because I don't have a positive will. But to each his own. I'm not knocking it or am I hyping it up.I've seen it do bad but then again a lot of good to those who really need it. If utilized and chemically research properly, it could help us with a cure for cancer. :-)

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  15. I feel as if i am in the same boat as you were.
    I started smoking with my friends at the age of 16, and most of the time all i would look forward to was smoking and drinking. I quit when i turned 19 so that I could join the marine corp. Ive been in for one year now and I can't stop thinking about how badly i want to smoke. What helped you get through the military without getting baked?

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