As some of you guys know, I used to defend weed. I used to say it was the greatest thing, and it brought me countless joy. However, I want to really take this time and tell you guys the opposite. Weed is one of the scariest drug. I honestly NEVER thought this, but now I do.
I don't want to blame my whole life solely on weed, because that would be a lie. My life was my own fault, but weed definitely played a huge role in my failures.
I started smoking around 16-17, little at a time. It was exciting, and to be honest , the best time of my life. The thrill of scoring some new strain of weed, and smoking it with friends was my idea of a great time.
I ended up quitting weed for a time, because I joined the military at age 19. I really wanted to smoke , but I couldn't because of the fear of random drug tests; if I was to get caught, it would ruin me for life. Being sober had its down moments too, don't get me wrong... but i was much healthier then.
Long story short, I ended up smoking again. I made countless excuses for my smoking.
-I can't sleep
-I'm depressed, weed would make me happy.
-I don't eat so well, weed helps me eat better .
-I'm bored, it entertains me
etc etc... But what it really did was.
-Keep me awake throughout the night because things were tripping me out. Or entertaining me.
-Got more depressed, and felt so much anxiety.
-Ate more junk food, and began to get lazier.
-Kept me entertained, but when the high was over , life became that much more boring.
I hate feeling this way . I hate feeling ugly, and hate feeling so weak. I remember when i was in high-school I was so active. I wanted to run, exercise, swim, and just get healthy. I couldn't stand to see my stomach have any flabs, and would do massive amounts of sit ups. But now, I couldn't care less... and this is a problem for me.
I just wanted to take this time, and warn young individuals who want to start smoking. I can't lie and say its the worst thing ever, because its not. But, you must know, there is definitely some bullshit you will have to deal with. And if I could do it again, I would NEVER touch weed. Its surprisingly VERY addictive. I always thought I could quit ANYTIME ,but that shit was a lie. I've consciously made decisions to quit, but failed every time. Of course, many people are stronger then I am, and could defeat this addiction. But, I honestly couldn't. Most people cannot quit. It's abnormal for people to be able to just drop it.
I still think weed is an amazing plant. It does things you cannot imagine, its a fantastic plant. But, its so easy to abuse it. Its too easy to just fall into its temptation. Its like putting tuna in front of a cat , and telling the cat , just nibble on it ... and eat small portions. The cat would circle this tuna every hour, and eat all of it. NOM NOM NOM.
There are many people who would say I'm a little bitch for quitting weed. That's the weird thing i noticed about weed smokers. If anyone decides to make their life better by quitting weed, they label you as a loser for some odd reason. like your not " down" anymore. Your not fighting the "power". But fuck all that! When I'm high I become a sheep. I cannot think for myself, and i tend to just blend in with everyone else. I'm so tired of be subservient. Being sober is fighting the power.
I still believe that weed SHOULD be Legal. Only because there are many benefits that come with it. But who knows, life could be more shittier with it legal~ call it a wild card i dunno.
But anyway... I woke up this morning, and realized all the mess I've made in my apartment. Dishes piled up, stove all crusty with food I've cooked. Pieces of rice, spam, carrots, corn... and I had no idea I made this mess. Then I started to feel very self conscious... began to realize, my roommates might think I'm a slob now... ( they all smoke weed, so it makes it even harder to quit) I made a choice to distance myself from them. Not because they are bad people, but because they can function with weed, but I cannot. I tried... But I become a loser when I'm high. I'm not funny , I'm not active, I'm not musical (throats all hoarse) ... So I just become this carcass made from loser meat.
So, when I woke up this morning, I gave all my weed away , and decided to take a walk... and realized what I needed to do the most was to just quit smoking. I hope my character returns... because I miss him very much. He was much more confident, and was much more spiritual. He had a great walk with God, and he had hope, and he had motivation. Currently, I'm none of those things...
I've started to doubt the existence of God, I've lost loads of confidence, and I feel more lazy then anything else. But I write this, so that I may read this one day ... and hopefully see myself as a better person. I'm done with mary jane, and I'm starting my life a brand new.
Good bye Sticky icky, mister bubbly , purple hazy , mr kush...