life is so Hard.

hey, TenchiJk here.

I'm so fed up with life right now... Furious at the world. I'm tired of trying to make excuses up for why life is so hard and I'm tired of comparing my self to 3rd world countries to make myself feel more grateful. No matter what I try, I'm going to be unsatisfied with what I have, because in this society I have nothing. Perhaps compared to someone in the 3rd world I have a lot, however the reality is that I'm in a shit hole.

After getting out of the military its been the hardest time of my life. I thought , only if I leave the military, my life will become normal. Maybe, my life would be easier. I would have my old friends back, and I would resume my life as how it used to be. However, life isn't that easy... and Friends are fickle. They change like changing weather, and they sway back and forth like wheats in the field.

I found myself one day with more internet friends then real friends. I found myself one day caught up in situations that weren't even real. I found myself defending the asian race, while other asians looked down upon me and thought be ridiculous for trying. I found myself unable to crawl out of this ditch, which kept getting deeper and deeper. Neglecting it didn't make the ditch any more elevated.

No matter what I do, i keep finding myself in the same predicament... Unable to escape the grasp of this cruel life I live in. Beyond my jokes and smiles, i am so overwhelmed with grief! and agony! I cannot continue on like this, or my head will indeed explode!!!!!!!

Lord please have mercy on me. Lord I am lost ,and I am so in need. Lord I tried to live my life according to my ways, and my efforts but they all were in vain. Lord please give me your grace, so I may dwell upon your world in peace, with no worries and with abundant fruits. God, please please please have mercy on me.